Man, I hate myself more than I could ever fucking express. How the fuck am I supposed to do anything knowing that I exist.
Like, I have no support at all. At all.
Anything I WANT to do in life, I have no support. Anything that I could have actual fun doing and making money and actually like my life? No support. Not good enough.
There are things I want to do, things that come natural to me that I don’t want to smother, things that I can make money off of without traumatizing myself by working how they want me to.
Its really a huge reason why I do not LIKE my parents. I will always love my family, but I do not like them that much.
And the fact that every. single. aspect of me is rejected by them? Gotta love it.
Im physically different from them. I have lupus, and it does alter my way of living and abilities to do some things. Its taken me a while to accept that, but they refuse to even try.
I mentally think different than them. I have about 30 thoughts going through my head at any given time. My thought processes are different. Everything about the way I think is different to theirs.
The way I go about things in different. The way I see things is different.
The things I like are different.
Im so different from them, and whenever I show that at all (im serious, I have to be so fake around them), they reject me.
I have no intentions, at all, of ever telling them who I really am. I couldnt handle that. I couldnt handle such strong rejection. It just gets to me sometimes…
Sorry for the ramble, folks. I doubt anyone stuck around to read it anyway. Ill probably be heading to bed now.
My parents arent the type of people where if you calmly and maturely tell them whats wrong, or what theyre doing wrong, they’ll treat it as constructive and work on it.
If you tell them anything about themselves, that isnt saying theyre amazing, prepare to die.
And being their “kid” makes it a lot harder.